I am completely, utterly amazed at how God preserves us constantly giving us opportunities either to obey him or not. I believe the concept of free as essential to my faith in an almighty God. I cannot argue with the tenants of Calvinism. (Not meaning to offend any of my esteemed Calvinistic friends, but perhaps I have no choice. That is, maybe God chose me to believe this way.)  I agree that man is utterly depraved, unable to choose God. Yet when I read the Word of God I see an unmistakable doctrine of free will. Although amazing considering all the previous choices of my life, seemingly exclusively bent on sin, in his mercy God calls, “whosoever will.” I will not attempt to reconcile this paradox, this enigma with anyone. All I know, as in the words of John Newton, former slave trader, “I once was blind but now I see.”  Who better than John Newton, purveyor of the most despicable industry of all time, to willfully claim that glorious status found in John chapter 3, “unless a man be born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”  I am born again and thus have the capacity to see God’s kingdom. And praise God, as Paul prays in Ephesians chapter 1, the eyes of my heart are being opened to see God’s glorious inheritance in the saints.

I’m not sure exactly where this journal entry is going. But too often I believe I have something to say and, because I want to say it well, I delay. Organizing, outlining, refining my thoughts, I end up never making a journal entry at all and eventually the inspiration passes. I’m tired of that happening. God continually inspires me. His creation inspires me. His Word inspires me. His people inspire me.

A quick side note regarding Calvinism. There are of course many problems associated with any viewpoint not rooted in Calvinism. But there are, I believe, similar problems ignoring the gift of free will. Maybe I shouldn’t go here because this isn’t what I want to talk about. Read on if you dare!

Every moment I have a choice. To deny that would be to deny Genesis, God’s very creation. Every word that I’m reading into my voice recognition software is a matter of choice. I’m really not trying to discuss Calvinism at all. But I do have a point to make that, unless I’m mistaking, flies in the face of Calvinism.

Every instant God lays a path before me and draws me to obey him. In every same instant, our adversary the devil, is attempting to lure me away from God’s perfect will. Even as the angels observed, God gives me the gift of choice. I choose. Me. Either I glorify him in eternity or indulge my flesh which is mortal and corrupt and corroding as I write. This idea of choice, the concept of free will, is ever in front of me. Any and every instant I can either praise God or deny my Heavenly Father.

To take yet another detour, let me say that not only do I believe in eternal security but I am completely confused by anyone who does not believe this way. God has sealed me until the day of redemption. I am His and as Jesus said, no one can pluck me out of His hand. Okay, so that sounds like my choice been taken away from me, you say. The Calvinist point, as I understand it, is that I cannot choose God but that God chose me. Hmmm. Only God can make a perfect paradox, a completely unsolvable situation, and then solve it. He’s done it before–in Christ: Mercy and Justice. You see, I want it both ways and I believe that it’s possible. I can’t choose God and yet he calls me to choose him and thus I do.

You know what? I am so completely off my subject. This isn’t at all what I wanted to talk about. So let me try to get back to it.

I believe that at this very moment you are reading these very words you have a choice. It is a privileged and precious gift. Although I say it is privileged, it is given to every human both believer and unbeliever, but it is still a privilege. What I do with this moment, this time, this hour before me, is entirely up to me no matter what my situation is. Even in the midst of a bad situation, oppressed by external forces, even within the scope of that situation and those external forces, I have a choice. I don’t see how anyone can say that I don’t. One can oppress my body but they can’t stop my ability to choose no matter where that choice will take me. It is given to me by God and He preserves it.

Oh, there’s so much more that I like to say. But I am desperately trying to get back on my subject of choices and changes.

What do I want to allow controlling my life? There is a verse in Colossians, I think, that says, “since then we walk by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit.” I like the idea of keeping in step with the Spirit. I don’t want to allow anything to rule me thus I must constantly choose God. That’s the way I see it. If I want good changes in my life and in the lives of those around me then I must constantly choose God. What that means is that even as moment to moment varies I have a choice: There are temptations yet God is faithful and makes a way of escape; There are trials yet sometimes the right choice is to go through those trials rather than avoid them; I have a choice moment by moment.

I choose God now and always. And I trust all the changes are according to his perfect, loving will.

I apologize for this fragmented, lengthy, disorganized journal entry. I still feel as if I didn’t get out of me what God has put in me to say. I seem to keep digressing into this or that. My hope is to encourage, not argue with my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I wonder what you think. Should I throw this journal entry into the trash as I have so many others? Or should I post it, as it is, and see if God uses this jumble of words I chose to make.

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