I wonder how long it will take me to catch on to things. I wonder at the oscillations in my life, the inconsistencies, the incongruities, (“not harmonious in character; inconsonant; lacking harmony of”), the blindness to the depth of my own sin, the insensitivity to my own nature, the confusion, the pride, the deception, the death. When will I finally, completely agree with my brother Paul.

“O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” (Romans 7:24)

“For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing:” (Romans 7:18a)

I imagine that I long to be like my Lord. But I squirm and struggle in every trial that comes along. If it isn’t comfort that lulls me to complacency then it is pain that makes me desire comfort. Even when I think I have faith it is really by His mercy and His grace that I’m not consumed.

“It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.” (Lamentations 3:22)

The phrase “three steps forward two steps back” doesn’t seem to describe the process. It’s something more like “constantly failing and falling apart except for God’s miracles in my life”.

Now it may sound like I’m being hard on myself but that’s not really the case at all. First of all, the reality is that I really do deserve death. (Romans 6:23) Praise God, there is a “however”. The “however” is that I’m born again and now have the life of Christ in me.

“the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, Who loved me, and gave Himself for me” (Galatians 2:20)

Praise God that even the processes is entrusted to Him otherwise there’d be no hope.

“For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring Word of God.” (1 Peter 1:23)

“Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” (Philippians 1:6)

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith…” (Hebrews 12:2)

The Gospel is good news indeed. I am indeed being conformed to the Life of Christ that is in me as I become conformed unto his death. I lay aside my earthly trophies and loose my life for His sake. (Matthew 10:39)

So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
and exchange it some day for a crown. (The Old Rugged Cross)

Philippians 3:4-15 (NIV):

4 though I myself have reasons for such confidence. 

      If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5 circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; 6 as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless. 

 7 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10 I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

 12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 

 15 All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.

The cross is beautiful to me for through it I find Life.