Forty-six
Last month, our men’s breakfast and study completed the book Undefiled, which uses a fictitious couple, Jim and Carrie, to explore redemption from sexual sin and restoration of broken relationships. Honestly, it wasn’t my usual type of book, but I learned things I hadn’t considered before. At our last meeting, I felt compelled to share this:
Forty-six.
I was diagnosed with aggressive cancer at age 46. By then I had been born again for about 20 years and was fully committed to God, praying He would shape me into the image of His Son. I didn’t yet realize just how arrogant I still was or how that issue was affecting my family. I was completely blind to it all.
Surviving cancer, I often quoted Psalm 119:71: “It was good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your decrees.” That trial was necessary to begin opening my eyes to my sin.
Whether trials are physical (like mine) or relational (like Jim & Carrie’s as in the book) trials are meant for our good, to open our eyes, to cleanse us — if we are willing to listen to God and be changed. Sin deceives us; we see only the surface while God sees the heart. We cannot fix ourselves apart from His grace.
It is Satan’s work; it is sin’s work that we are blind to the root of our own sin.
Sin deceives us.
We see only surface things; God looks at the heart.
Hebrews 12 reminds us: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Not everyone is “trained” by God’s discipline; we must allow it to open our eyes.
My oncology doctors said that I could have died that year. Quote: “If left untreated this type of cancer can take the life of its victim in 6 months to a year.” — I was in intense pain for 5 months before I was diagnosed and treated for the aggressive cancer.
But more to my point is that my wife and family suffered not for 6 months but for decades while my arrogance was as of yet “untreated”.
As my doctors were initially blind to the cancer within my bones I was blind to how my sin of arrogance was hurting my family.
We must pray: “God, show me my blindness. Do whatever it takes to bring Your righteousness into my life for the sake of my loved ones. Heal me. Make me whole.”
I grieve how my sin hurt others. I can’t change how unkind I was to everyone. But I can repent, change my way, learn to put myself aside and truly, unselfishly love my wife as I promised her on our wedding day.
1 Corinthians 13:4–7 teaches: “Love is patient, love is kind… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Pride hinders this love; humility heals.
Georgia and I are closer than ever. Pride once blinded me, but humility now allows me to see, confess, and grow. I praise God for the unity in our marriage and the chance to love my wife as He defines and demonstrates.
