Our pastor delivered a great message last Sunday at our church, as usual. The message was on the prodigal son.

The prodigal son parable has such appeal to me. Billy Graham preached on it many times before and I never got tired of hearing him tell it.

At Sunday’s service, one man gave a testimony of his good relationship with his dad, how his career and life were molded by his dad’s. Another man told how he ran away from home and lived as a runaway until he heard God calling him. You can hear the message and these testimonies by clicking here. (The file isn’t up just yet.)

The runaway told how he realized, much later in life, that God was waiting for him, watching for him, and calling for him all along but he didn’t know it. Just like the prodigal, he had to make that decision to go to the Good Shepherd. He wrote a very moving song about this.

How This Relates to Me

God had His Hand on me all along in my youth and adulthood. This is clear to me and I rejoice in amazement at His great love for me-unconditional, everlasting. But I seem to have forgotten this attribute of God still in place for us today.

Last Sunday, Father’s Day, they were giving out free hamburgers to all the men of the church after the services. It was really cool, sort of like an ad-hoc men’s picnic right in front of the church. I knew about this the previous week being on the inside of such things sometimes. So I planned to wrangle two burgers from the grill man and give one of them to my son. This was in my mind and heart all week.

As we were leaving the service, my son, who also has his sources, told me that they might give out a burger to him, too, and asked if he may have one. I told him not to ask and he looked down trodden. Things got a little busy, so instead of my plan to get two burgers and give him one, I just told him to get himself a burger. (I ended up getting two burgers myself after all.)

On the way home, my son asked for something else. I took the opportunity to help him realize that his needs and even his desires are always on my heart, and that I am always looking for good things to give to him. He hardly has to ask for anything. He must learn to trust me more. I also explained that I withhold things from him sometimes because I love him. Sometimes what he wants would be harmful to him somehow. I used the example of bad movies. When I get our Netflix in, I always preview it first. If it would be bad for our family then I return it without watching it.

Even as I was talking to my son I realized that this is how God deals with us in love. He withholds things that would not be good for us; and He already has in His Heart and Mind to give us those things which are good for us, even before we ask for them or realize that we need them.

The Very Personal Gift

Thursday morning the “Joni and Friends” devotional was about the parable of the wedding where the groom invited people who made excuses and wouldn’t come which angered the groom. Friday morning the devotional was on the same subject. Very rarely does Joni cover a subject twice in a row. Even though I spent time with God after reading these devotionals and felt that I understood them, I didn’t see how they could relate to me. After all, I am one of the poor, blind, cripple, and lame people in the alleys that were later invited and did come to the wedding.

Friday afternoon a man came to tell me that someone gave me a valuable gift. There are several aspects of this event that were so personal to me that I felt very shaken when I heard of it. How did this person know the importance of this gift to me? How did they know that I needed it? (I didn’t tell anyone about it except my wife. My children probably overheard, too.) No one outside the family heard me complain that I needed this gift. And it is a gift of some value. I have trouble receiving gifts of value because I feel that I am being a burden to others.

The selfish part of me was going “woo hoo!” but another very dominant part of me was stubbornly and stupidly considering refusing the gift. I knew that this would be wrong and later figured out that refusing a gift could actually be offensive just like refusing to come to the wedding banquet. Forwarding the gift to the church is not receiving the gift.

The parable of the wedding came to mind finally. I was invited. I was given a gift. It is important that I receive it. But I continued to wonder how on earth someone knew about this need in my life? Had I expressed my need to anyone outside my family? Was there a “leak”; did someone in my family tell someone else about it? I didn’t think so.

Then, Sunday, I heard the testimony of how God was watching, waiting, and calling long before the man heard His call. And I thought of the conversation with my son, how his need/desire was in my heart and mind long before he even had the desire. (He didn’t know that there would be burgers after the service.)

God, through His saints apparently, knew that I had this need before I knew it. I’m beginning to realize how stubborn I am about receiving. I figure that I spent the first half of my life chasing, manipulating, conniving, and even stealing what I wanted. Now I just want to let go, give away, and learn to live with less. But God still wants to bless me not because I deserve it but because He loves me.

It has taken days, from Thursday to Sunday, two morning devotionals, a testimony on Sunday, several burgers, and a discussion with my son for me to finally, (I think), accept the gift from God.

Sunday was Father’s day. It was a very good day. I accepted in my heart the gift that was given to me on the previous Friday, a gift that was prepared even before then. My needs and even my desires are always on God’s heart, and God is always looking for good things to give to me. I hardly need to ask for anything. I must trust Him more.

I’ve much more to write but unless I stop and post this I’ll never get anything out. (This is what usually happens and partly why you don’t see more posts from me.) God is teaching this old dog new things. God is refining me (Isaiah 48:10), pruning me (John 15:2), preparing me. I can no longer stay on this plateau of satisfaction. I must allow Him to mold me according to His will. Does this mean more trials for us? Truly, I speak with Paul, “I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.”(Philippians 1:23) I’m tired; I don’t want to learn new things; I want to be left alone; I want to go home to Heaven. “…but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body” (Philippians 1:24)

I guess I’ll be here a little longer, eat a few more burgers, and, maybe, write again in this journal.