I’ve been disabled for 7 1/2 years now, since the beginning of 2001. What a ride! I’ve learned a lot about myself and about life during these years. It’s very difficult to communicate what I’ve learned to someone who has not endured disability from chronic pain. I’d like to try to briefly explain something which I feel could help anyone even if they are not disabled. It might not be earth shattering to most of you but perhaps it may encourage someone.

Whenever I’m faced with a frustrating limitation arising from my disability I have three goals in mind.

Initially I want to cope with the limitation realizing that no amount of anger or complaining will change it. The reality is that I can’t walk more than a few feet before my pain demands that I get off my feet. I accept that through my trial God will work His perfect will. And because of that I can “consider it pure joy.” (James 1) But I also recognize that Jesus “endured the cross despising it’s shame” (Hebrews 12) and I won’t do anything differently. The pain is horrible but what I’ve gained, what I’ve learned is of great value.

Eventually I could learn to compensate for my limitations. It doesn’t remove them. No, I still experience pain when I walk. But using various techniques physical, mental, and technical I have learned to get where I’m going in spite of my pain. Of the places that I want to go it appears that there are few limitations. However my techniques to compensate require effort and there are still some limitations. Yet the extent of my excursions surprise me.

Ultimately I want to conquer the limitations of my disability. Even now I am using voice recognition software to write this journal entry. Typing is too difficult, really, too painful especially late at night when all the pain of the day is multiplied in my feet and hands. I wouldn’t want to type at all using my hands. I still have a lot to learn about dictation. It is a great mental effort to formulate a complete sentence of written quality and then try to speak at with sufficient articulation so that the software can get it right.

The difference between compensating and conquering my limitations is this: compensating extends my abilities beyond my limitations such that I can do the things which I need to do. Conquering removes my limitations. When my method (or methods) of compensating for my limitations essentially makes me equal to someone who’s not disabled then I consider it conquered.

To elaborate: I can get to almost any place I need to using one of my wheelchairs. But I still can’t go hiking to Rattlesnake Rock unless someone carries me on their back which I’m unwilling to allow. However using voice recognition software allows me to “type” as well as someone who types using their hands. There is little or no difference. Using this tool more than compensates, it conquers the disability.

I must add that there are other factors to coping, compensating, and conquering a disability. It involves the mind, will, and I believe even one’s emotions. I must also add that there is a spiritual aspect to all of this.

If my mind, will, and emotions were not fixed on coping, compensating, and conquering my limitations then I don’t think the results would be as good as they are. I also believe that if I did not have faith and depend on God for strength then there would be no success. I would go so far as to say this is the number one most important factor of all.

As I grow older I see more and more how it is God Who is the reason for all the things in my life which have been a success. People often comment on how well I raised my children. Oh my! Although I was never abusive I can’t say that I was such a great dad. God led me every step of the way. Although we’ve never gone bankrupt financially I’ve been a real idiot. I’m still amazed that we make it week to week and year to year.

I could recount every area of my life and how God was the architect of everything good.

Part of me is very, very tired and really wants to go home, that is, to Heaven. But there is another part of me that looks forward to seeing my two teens as they become men, watching my grandchild (and eventually grandchildren) grow up, and enjoying the wife of my youth. There is still a lot in this world that I appreciate and enjoy.

And while I’m in this world I will initially cope, eventually compensate, and ultimately conquer all that tries to stop me from appreciating and enjoying life. I sometimes say, “I’m not 6 feet under.” In other words, I’m going to live life-I’m going to enjoy life. And I’m going to do so in spite of my pain, in spite of my limitations, in spite of everything that is against me.

Alive in Christ, now and forever,
Ed